One of my clients recently had a baby, and a few months ago she said something to the effect of, “My husband and I are really trying, but even so, it’s really hard to know what’s going on with each other! How on earth do couples stay connected after having a baby?” Such a great question! That sense of not really knowing what’s going on with your partner is one of the main things that can drive disconnection in the immediate months and years after a baby enters a family. Becom

It’s time to say good-bye to 2015! Often the start of a new year prompts reflection, and the setting of resolutions – usually things we want to change about ourselves or our habits to be “better”. While this can be a positive thing, and setting realistic goals for ourselves can be a powerful motivator, I’ve started shifting things slightly for myself in the last few years by making a “Plan for Joy and Fulfillment” each year. I got this idea from Brene Brown in her book, “T

It’s been far too long since I’ve posted here! I was inspired to start writing again by a disturbing but very educational experience I had recently. A few weeks ago, I attended a conference for psychotherapists to learn a model of therapy called Functional Analytic Psychotherapy. I was expecting it to be a typical conference where there are a series of presentations with me taking notes – like a big classroom. Instead, it turned out to be a VERY experiential conference with

I’m up early today because I am going to a “One Day Sit” – a day of meditation through Vipassana Illinois. This is the same organization that I did my first 10 day meditation retreat with this summer, and once you complete that experience, you are eligible to do shorter meditation retreats. (yay!) I’ve been thinking about how I want to deepen my practice, how much it has helped me, and habits of mind, emotional reactions, etc that I still want to work with in myself in prepar

I returned home from the 10 Day Vipassana Meditation course this past Sunday. Its taken me awhile to digest all that I learned and experienced over these 10 days of complete silence, reflection, and meditation and I am sure I will continue to digest things and realize more and more as I continue my meditation practice on a daily basis. When people ask me how it was, my answer is that it was equal parts wonderful and horrible. Luckily, right before I left for the retreat, one

This afternoon I am on my way to Pecotonica, IL for my first extended meditation retreat. The retreat is a 10 day experience where you commit to observing noble silence with your fellow students for the first 9 days, and meditate for a total of 10 hours per day interspersed with breaks, meals, and a daily lecture. The type of meditation that is taught is called Vipassana meditation where your mind and body are used as tools to develop insight into the nature of experience. So

Yesterday I saw a clip on Good Morning America about rules to follow when you are fighting with your partner. It got me thinking about how I handle myself in my relationships and the couples that I work with in my practice who are working to improve their relationships. The reality is that most people know these rules already – stay calm, listen to the other person’s perspective, try not to be defensive, etc. We even use these “rules” (or skills really) in other situations an

As we approach the new year, I am cleaning out my old day planner and starting a new one (yes, I am old school!) and found a sheet of paper from some notes I took at one of my Bowen family systems consultation groups this past year. The note is short, but sweet, and contains the gist of Bowen’s ideas on cultivating healthy relationships, and I thought I would share them here: 1. Do not attack 2. Do not withdraw 3. Do not defend 4. Stay connected 5. Take responsibility All

I started a formal meditation practice about 8 months ago, and a large part of this was joining a Sangha that meditates as a group once a week for one hour in 20 minute rounds of sitting, walking, and sitting. In January the group began to talk about their annual “Day of Mindfulness” in March, and I signed up thinking March was WAY off. Of course, March came quickly and it was time to buy my own meditation cushions (which I now know are called zabutans and zafus) and prepare

I absolutely love a magazine called The Sun. It is an ad-free, monthly publication of short stories, poems, and photography and each issue begins with an interview with someone who is always really interesting. The December issue featured an interview with a woman named Kim Rosen, a poet and teacher of poetry who wrote a book called, Saved by a Poem. I don’t regularly read poetry, and often skim the poems in the issues of The Sun in favor of getting to the stories. One of the