As we approach the new year, I am cleaning out my old day planner and starting a new one (yes, I am old school!) and found a sheet of paper from some notes I took at one of my Bowen family systems consultation groups this past year. The note is short, but sweet, and contains the gist of Bowen’s ideas on cultivating healthy relationships, and I thought I would share them here: 1. Do not attack 2. Do not withdraw 3. Do not defend 4. Stay connected 5. Take responsibility All

Murray Bowen (family systems theorist and family therapist) famously coined the term “differentiation”. Being differentiated means being clear on your own values and principles and being able to tell the difference between a “fact” and a “feeling”. Sounds good, right? Well, Bowen also referred to families as “undifferentiated ego masses”. (always makes me chuckle) In other words, a group of people who make each other anxious; that you love, but who also drive you crazy;